Challenges

I am busy reading So long Insecurity by Beth Moore and something she said really hit home. I have felt that the past few years have been a long series of calamities and that I am just keeping my head above water. You name it,we've been there as a family. Beth Moore talks about people who are insecure experiencing dramatic change as a loss or instability. Well here I am , front and centre. Insecurity  could be my middle name. This is what struck me. God uses change to change us into what He wants us to be. I cannot grow if I am stuck in one place. I do not like change. In my mind change equals loss. But isn't that what growth is. The loss of something in order to make way for something better. Should I not trust God with that loss so that He can complete the work He started in me? If I cannot trust God to move me where I need to be,who can I trust ?

Of maps and misty eyes

Today was a full day, the kind of day that other working moms would understand. Late for school (again), late for work(again), deadlines to complete as I try to finish up before leaving at the end of the month for a new job. No telephone lines  at work for the ninth day running, so I cannot call clients or make court dates.  A midday hail storm just as I am about to leave to fetch the children, so I have to wait until it is over in case the car stalls in the rain, as it did in last weeks rainstorm. Then two bright little faces rushing to hug mommy as I pick them up from school. We then go to granny and grandpa, where Noah fights with me for 15 minutes about getting him a map, which I  promised him so that he could see where all the family live. Noah is a bit OC, so this is a theme for the rest of the afternoon. A good run on the lawn and a cuddle from the grandparents, then it's back home for supper and a quick wash before bedtime. Did I mention that the wash was with a facecloth and a jug of water, as I am too tired to do the whole bath routine tonight. Andrew rushes in, then out as he is going back to work. Mia ends the day with a backward fall off the bed. Finally it is bed time. I can catch my breath and wonder why I am doing this. Then I see two tired little bodies fast asleep in bed and remember the years of tears that I cried before they were born, thinking I would never have the privilege of being a mother. And I realise that full days like these are what make up the fabric of a life.

Friday the 13th

You just know that your day is not going to go well when it starts with a panicked little voice saying " Mommy, Mia has blood all over her face". Leaping out of bed, I went to see what Mia had done. What a sight! She was covered in blood from forehead to chin and her bedding did not look much better. Fortunately it was a nose bleed that was easily cleaned up but the day did not improve. Clients whose stories break my heart did not improve my day. Wildly out of sink thyroid hormones just added to the mess and by five o'clock I was snivelling into my tea, with a very worried son watching me but too afraid to come closer. There are some days when you just KNOW you should have stayed in bed. Fortunately these days pass and I know that one day when my children are all grown I will wish for days like this again , when busy little bodies wake me up and fill my heart with both joy and heartache.

Life is so unexpected

Here I am , with my chocolate, my blog and a head full of words. Today has been one of those days when,  while I know God is charge, I just wish He would let me in on the agenda. Last night was spent packing my daughters school bag, with tears streaming down my face and wondering how I was go to get through today, her first day in daycare. She is  little and still very much my baby. After dropping her off, as she is just supposed to visit for a few hours on the first day, I came home. I then got a phone call from my prospective employers, saying please do not come in on Monday,as the post ( which I was offered and which I accepted) has not yet been approved by head office. They are not sure when I will start but I will be told and I will have to wait for someone to get back to me. After psyching myself up to go back to work , this is such a let down. Going back to work is bad enough without all the extra drama.After shedding some more tears ( yes, that is my primary coping method at the moment) I was then reminded that the upside is I get to spend an extra few weeks at home with Mia. I am beginning to think that this whole idea of going back to work is jinxed. Will keep you up to date with the next installment of going back to work

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, whatever shape or form you may take. Isn't it great that one day a year we can celebrate all the good things that make us moms and forget about the late nights, dirty nappies, lost clothes and the myriad of other craziness that all moms endure at one time or another. I also want to  send a special Mother's Day wish to all those moms who have lost a child, had a miscarriage or never had the chance to hold your own child. Mother's Day will always be bittersweet for those of us who fall into one of these categories. Hannah Rose would be four and a half and on days like today being a mom is sometimes a bit tougher than other days. To my beautiful children and my great husband who helps me be the mom I am. I love you and would never change any of what makes me a mom.

And here I am

Or should that be who am I? I am a thirty something mom ( nearing forty something) of a one and two year old, chaotically and very happily married to a librarian and about to return to the work place (very reluctantly) after a two year stint at home. Everyone I meet tells me that this time of my life is a season that will pass, hence the title of my blog.

 I am not sure how that is supposed to comfort me, as by the time my children hit university I will be heading for retirement, which is also a season. Maybe I can then wisely pass on the same words of wisdom to a "younger" mom, who like me has hormone troubles, will have a one year old who spreads buttered toast gleefully in her hair just before bedtime, whose two year old son's favourite activities are  shopping  and visiting granny/grandpa and whose forty-something husband passes out in the middle of a conversation because he is too tired to stay awake. I AM looking forward to that day. Please join me on this seasonal journey