Wednesday, January 8, 2014

High mountains and a faithful Father

It is  one a.m. and  I cannot sleep ( again). It is hot and humid, The sheets are twisted and damp. I toss and turn and the year ahead lies like a mountain in front of me. There are so many seemingly insurmountable challenges that our family will face and all I seem to be able to do is turn them over and over in my head. And catastrophise ( my husband says I do really well at this). I feel as if I am standing in the foothills of a very high mountain range. On the other side lies a peaceful valley but all I can see are the steep, jagged cliffs of the mountain range, waiting to snare and destroy weary travellers. The wind howls in the heights and snow covers every path.

I cannot see a way over these mountains and I am fearful and feel defeated before the journey even begins. So much will be required of me this year. Time, money, emotions, energy. A dying to self in order to thrive . A giving of myself to others so that they may grow. These are only the things I see. What of the unknown, the beasts that lie in wait in caves and on lonely mountain passes, waiting to devour and destroy the traveller who dares pass by ?

And as I lie there in my bed, fearful and frozen, the words of Psalm 121 whisper to me, coming quietly through the chaos of my thoughts.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.
My God and Father is the maker of these mountains. He knows the path that I am meant to take to make it through these mountains, even if I cannot see the way. He will guide me and keep me safe. I just need to trust Him fully. AND TAKE THE FIRST STEP. It is so easy for me to worry and so hard for me to trust but I know that if I am to make it through all that lies ahead this year, then I need to lean on God and trust Him completely in everything. So I am putting one foot in front of the other, leaning hard on my Father and grasping His hand tightly as we go into this new year together

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